you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
