Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
