your parents love me but you hate me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
