Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
