just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
