I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I deserve this hangover.
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