I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
