**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
