remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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