last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
