HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
