you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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