my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
