She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
