do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
