I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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