You work out of a Hotel?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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