In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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