Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
