"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize