its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
