I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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