mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
