tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
