you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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