Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Banned from zoo.
Again?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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