My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
