My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
