Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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