i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
