please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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