Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
