I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
