nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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