I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
