Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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