thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
