just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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