Your mouth is God's brothel.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
