I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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