Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
