do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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