Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
