I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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