he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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