I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
