I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
