You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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