You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
