I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
