last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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