I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
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