what day is it and did you see me today?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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