I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I did not marry a roomba.
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