I didn't shave. On purpose
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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