yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
