You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
