she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
