Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
