I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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