did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
