I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
