It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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