I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
