Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
this will be a night to untag.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
