I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
