I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
