the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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