So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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