from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
