Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
